Chair Club History

In the Beginning...

So, Chair Club. In order to be reading this you must either be a member (go you!) or else someone who's hacked their way in (in which case beware Pollaxe Day). As a member it's very important that you know some of the history of Chair Club and how it came to be.

There was once a man and, since this all takes place a very long time time ago, he may have looked something a lot like this:

Although admitedly, when you have something that looks like that, you can't be entirely sure if it was a man, and could have instead been a woman.

This little proto-human, appearances to the contrary, was very wise. He was fed up with having to sit on the floor all day, and having to swing through trees to cross rivers when all he wanted to do was go for a walk. This is when he discovered the chair and bridge inventions. Proto-human was so impressed with these that he decided that it was his duty to spread word of them around the globe.

For reasons not of his choosing, he decided to start his preachings in a cage.

It is a well known fact that as well as building funny pyramids, the Aztecs worshipped apes, so when an Aztecian hunting party in the Amazon came across Proto-human, the first they thing they did was of course to capture it and take it home with them.

Before this time, the Aztecs had made themselves famous for killing things, often people, in so-called 'sacrifices', and used their body parts to make things like this:

Proto-human was quite shocked at this practice, but figured 'what the hell, it's not me to decide how these crazy chaps spend their time', what concerned him more was that all the Aztecs spent all their time standing up. Obviously this was no way to live, so after spending the next 10 years learning to speak Aztecian, Proto-human began preaching of the Chair.

He was met with anger at first, but after argueing for three hours straight, the Aztecs' legs were aching a lot and soon came round to the idea of having something to sit down on. This resulted in this:

More fighting ensured once the tribal chief had somewhere to sit, and his second in command felt it unfair that he didn't.

Eventually everyone had a chair, bridges had begun to be built, Proto-human had been sacrificed to the gods with a giant pollaxe (on reflection, he realised this sacrifice thing should have been the first thing he'd tackled), and the Aztecs had gone about their ways invading other tribes and spreading the word of the chair as they went.

As their empire grew, a dedicated core of chair & bridge followers decided that a group should be set up to guide the way forward and to protect it from possible harm from others jealous of the chair (the early incarnations of SAB). After going with 'Bridge Club' for a few months, they switched to 'Chair Club' to avoid confusion with a game that had just come on the market.

Thus began Chair Club and its admiration of chairs, bridges, and - because of one little ape not acting quickly enough - poleaxes.

Chair Club comes to Birmingham